Dreams … as promised

 As I’ve said before I don’t usually remember my dreams but I’ve decided recently that I will put the ones I do remember on here, so……

What I remember is:

I was in this family not mine but a blended family, maybe a home there were lots of different aged kids and I didn’t see a mom just a dad.  I think I was maybe late teens, but felt like I do now, an adult.  We were at the family dinner (I remember chicken like fried chicken but don’t remember any other details) at home at the dinner table, we were asked to share 3 things and to be honest.

They started with me and though I asked to have someone else go first I was told no it was my night to go first. What are you thankful for, What are you overcoming, I don’t remember the 3rd thing in the dream I didn’t really get to it.  I said I was thankful for the people who try to pull me out of my slump or sadness.  I started to tear up and said I forgot what the other 2 where and I was gently reminded and started to say what I am struggling with is feeling like I don’t count, I don’t matter, that I just shouldn’t BE. At that the dad got up was repeating what I said and finished with a few other feelings I was feeling that I had not yet said & said that is a classic case of <I don’t remember the term he used> I got frustrated and said “ I thought we were supposed to be honest and could let our guard down why are you analyzing me” we had some more back and forth heated/frustrated/angry words I don’t remember all of it but then I was sitting on a couch/loveseat and one of my housemates was sitting next to me just holding space not trying to sooth me or help just letting me BE, when all of the sudden this little person in a business suit walks in he was maybe 3’ tall very handsome making direct eye contact with me, from the entrance of the room to where I was sitting. As he walked up to me, it felt like I knew him but I couldn’t place how or from where or think of his name, but I could see how excited and pleased he was to see me and that made me happy.  As he introduced himself (sadly I don’t remember his name) he said that he remembered me from when I was younger and he was so happy for the opportunity to see me again that he rushed right over, about that time my housemate had gotten several looks from him to get off the sofa because he was gonna sit next to me, with a look I told her it was okay too, there was so much love, joy & happiness flowing off him I felt very safe like seeing a close friend you’ve not seen in years, so she finally left. About then the dad came around the corner from the room he was in behind me and said she has <term> at the same time the little man said it I looked at the both of them realizing he was not what I thought he tried to hush the dad up and keep eye contact with me asking me what we had for dinner because it smelled so good and as I blinked to try to get my brain to work he somehow turned into a long haired dachshund and was still talking to me about how yummy I smelled, I giggled a little as he tried licking my cheek & breath but then quickly snapped “wait is this what you do, this is not fair I thought you knew me and liked me” as I was getting up of the couch and I said to the dad who at this point was Wayne my step dad, I said how I felt it was wrong to do what they (Wayne & the little man) had done and now the little man had changed back to his human form and was saying how he was sorry, how much he was truly happy to see me and that is why he changed to a doxie, and how he just wanted to help they both did. I said the form change didn’t bother me but that I had felt betrayed and I started walking out of the room and calling someone on my phone. As I went outside I could hear them talking about the term but quickly they were out of earshot.  As I was waiting for the person on my phone to pick up I had flashes of how my mom died we all did the things you do have a funeral etc but now she is not dead and everybody is okay with her just coming back, I was having trouble with it though I wanted her back but I didn’t like lying to other people about it. Finally the person I called answered and the road I was walking turned form an easy road to now a cramped with people & things and snow filled road I had to struggle to talk and walk.  I told her what happened as I did someone in a house I walked by was in their old (70’s-80’s) truck revving the engine and my phone changed to silly-putty, she said she could hear anything but the truck. I got past the truck and kept walking and talking I was telling her about what had happened and saying how I didn’t want to be analyzed by a psychologist or a psychiatrist or a psychoanalyst or anything.

Then somehow it seemed after some time I ended up in a car and driving myself back to the house I was in and out of nowhere I saw a person walking towards me but in the middle of the road, I slowed down to a crawl thinking they would move but they didn’t as I got closer I could see it was a man dressed as a woman with heels and everything, as I passed they looked at me like I was in the wrong and an attitude of “what are you gonna do punk?”

I just smiled and kept going the opposite direction to the house.

That’s when I was woken up by Scotty, time to get back on the road.