You ever have a dream that you wake up from and your heart wants more?

Hi....it’s me....I know it’s been forever but here we go again.....Eve’s crazy dream talk.....hhaaahaaahaaa

Normally I don’t remember my dreams as I’ve said before, but sometimes when I do and they are good ones then I often wish I could go back into the dream like others say they can, but alas for me when I am awoken from a dream then it is done......so let’s begin shall we?????

This dream I can’t even give any lead up to it because the first thing I remember is....

For some reason I am on a beach in Italy it is near a resort type area and I’m discussing with a local Forman what I am building and a part of that for some reason is a place to house dogs, the local I am working with speaks English and is showing me a pit in the sand with a dog at the bottom of the pit with a bowl for food and water seeps in from the surf just a little, he is trying to explain this is what he thought I was looking for and that the small amount of water from the surf will be the water the dogs drink, this makes me very sad and I tell him no we are not trying to kill the dogs and I requested he get the dog out immediately before the tide comes in and it drowns. He looks up at the workers snaps his fingers points to them and the puppy/dog and starts hollering at them in Italian I do not speak Italian so I leave him to the crew. I walk out into the surf to try to clear my head and try to ground/calm myself. I stand in about mid-shin deep beautiful clear teal blue water watching the horizon and am thinking of a person that I have had a crush on for over 15 years in real life and apparently in this dream, and then tell myself to just forget him because I am here with ____ (as I type this I can not remember his name so I will call him Chip and no in real life I do not know this person at present) and even tho he is WAY older than me (and older than my crush), my crush (we will call him Dale as some of Dale’s real life plays into this) is married, and I should just be happy my crush Dale and I are friends PERIOD I have an amazing life and I should just be happy and stop wishing for something that’s never gonna happen. Besides the grass may seem greener on the other side but that is usually not the case once you get on the other side of the door and the vail of mystery is lifted. Everyone has faults and while the rose colored glasses I view Dale in real life with may hide some things, there are some flaws that I see clearly and would not be able to handle them that much I do know.

{Looking back on the dream I don’t think my older OLDER gentleman and I are a lovey-doves married couple it felt more like a friendship that turned into an arrangement of marriage that worked best for both of us.}

As this conversation goes on in my head and as I flip flop between this dream life and my REAL LIFE feelings and thoughts, I try to focus on the waves the sun and the air it all feels so beautiful, so relaxing, so.....perfect, and yet I feel like someone is watching me. I think to myself ‘oh don’t be a fool you are nothing special’ and I try to brush it off, but it doesn’t go away so I resolve myself to just turn around and scan the resort beach as I walk back to the building. Yet when I turn around it took absolutely no time to see WHY I felt I was being watched, tho the beach is busy there are 2 things that stand out crystal clear to me and everything else is a blur.  There on the beach kind of close to the waters edge is my older gentleman Chip I can see on his face he is happily admiring me like he does often, it makes me blush and flutter a bit. He is a tall just over 6’ handsome man, he is wearing perfect tailored white silk pants with a deep cobalt blue silk shirt that is not quite buttoned all the way as it flutters in the breeze it is showing a bit of his beautiful chest, he his a very strikingly handsome man, but my gaze zooms right past Chip and lands on Dale it makes me gasp, for there he his standing just behind Chip up on the embankment, he is wearing what seems like the same beautiful white silk perfectly tailored pants but no shirt, and he has a look on his face just like Chip only Dale’s look is a bit more lustful, I swoon and almost fall, thankfully to the on looker it just looks like I tripped a little, both Chip’s & Dale’s looks change to one of worry until they see I am fine then a kind of smerk-smile comes over them. I rase my hand over my head and wave to them, tho I am sure Chip doesn’t know Dale is just behind him. Honestly it’s odd the line they are in, like I am the sun and they are 2 planets who have just lined up / . I expected Chip to wave back as he does but in real life Dale doesn’t often show any emotion to me other than the friendly but awkward hug, even when we are in a group setting he is usually ... and I am quoting others how say this to me often, “he acts like a cold friend more like an acquaintance, or that he doesn’t even want you here”  yet in my dreams it is hard to explain....in here the soul energy feeling I get is just like it is in real life, like he is REALLY next to me but in here in my dreams there are no restrictions and he often shows what I believe to be his true feelings, but Dale did wave & smile, again I swoon and my heart feels like it will burst, only this time I don’t trip as I head back to the building I just try to walk as though I am not walking on air and I notice puppy is running up to me so I reach down to welcome him......

Then the next part of the dream I remember is....

Night has come actually more like midnight/early am, the time when most people are sleeping, I am walking alone on the beach at the resort, taking stick of the days events and again trying to clear my head. Alone except for the sweet puppy from earlier, we walk along and I tell him about my project plans I apologize the silly man put him in the beach pit, really I am just trying to get Dale out of my head and I am thankful that there are no people around. Puppy and I come upon a part of the resort it looks like a grand ball room that is in the process of being set up for a piano performance and a tune pops in my head, not one I have heard before or even know now as I write this, I could not even humm any of it now, the seats are mostly off to the side of the room with a kind of maze trail thru them while the center is mostly empty.  I look down at puppy who sweetly is sitting next to me looking up at me waging his tale and I say ‘ well no one is here I am sure no one would mind... would you care to dance sir?’  and we walk in to the room and I begin to humm/sing to the tune in my head and eventually break into a kind of twirling skipping carefree dance with puppy. I am having a blast being lost in the tune and puppy’s dance as we skip & twirl and weave in and out of the chairs and down the main part of the ball room, when I hear the most beautiful laughter it sounds like angels its beauty makes my heart leap and stops me in my tracks, I look up and it is Andrea Bocelli he has a few people around him one has just explained to him what I was doing. I am not sure how long we were dancing nor how long they were watching us.  Andrea with a huge smile on his face he says something to me in Italian and because I don’t understand him I just stand there like a fool motionless, his smile diminished a bit as he waits and he catches on and says “English signora?” I nod and eek out a mousy reply “yes sir”  and he laughs and as he walks toward me he says to not call him sir and he hoped that he could join puppy and I in our dance because from what he heard from my humming and giggles it sounds fun. I know he is blind but I curtsy and say I would be honored he holds out his hand and I take it he begins to hum/sing as I was the tune in my head, I join in and off we go. We skip, spin & twirl thru the rest of the open space of the ball room and with out a word I lead him as we skip thru the chair maze with just using my hand as to which direction he is to follow a small angle to the left we go left etc, we return back to the center of the ball room I hug him tight and whisper in his ear “thank you so very much” and kiss him on the check then I pull away and curtsy again and say for the rest of the room to hear “ thank you sir it has been an honor and a blessing.” They all applaud and I blush as he says he hopes I make it to his playing tonight and asked if I would stay as they rehearse. I tell him that I am so very thankful for his kind invitation to stay but I have to get back to my room, and that I will be sure to catch his performance that evening. I look down at puppy and turn to head for the door, as puppy and I head into the hallway to get to my room I see Dale again, my heart flutters and I gasp again and just as he looks at me smiling he starts to walk towards me I feel my self  wanting to run to him..... I wake up.

These few scenes have stuck with me for DAYS now and just before posting this, Dale texted me in real life saying he had a secret to share, and as he shared it with me while I am elated for this new project for him & his wife, it is tempered my my still writhing feelings of my recent dream, but alas all my Pisces life I seem to be on fin in the real world and one fin in the dream realm.

Who knows maybe the dream was because in real life Dale was thinking of me and wanting to share this new adventure he is about to embark on????

Now I lay me down to sleep....

Through much discussion with myself I have decided that I need to get this out and well it is to long for FB & there are too many eyes that just don’t need to see this; and well a written diary is nowadays almost a ghost plus I am barley patient enough to get my thoughts typed out and to wait for my crappy handwriting to put it to paper is just well nerve-racking! So here it goes.

I find it frustrating that my premonition dreams are almost like riddles! I am not saying that I don’t want them anymore, I sure don’t want to go down that path again! What I am saying is that I wish they could be less interpretive & more straight forward. I guess what I need to do is make a journal of them and maybe that would help decipher the messages.

For instance I have one that sticks in my memory which if you knew me these days my memory is a foggy place and lucky to find itself some times. Any how the one that sticks in my memory is I was with my Gram who at the time was alive and we were sitting talking then all the sudden everything around her turned grey and swirling and she was getting sucked in to this swirling grey and being taken away from me. We tried to hold on to each other’s arms then hands then fingers, just like in the movies when someone is falling and the other person is just not strong enough to hold them…that kind of agonizing slipping when you know the fate of the other person is latterly in your hands! When I woke up from it & calmed down a bit I called my Gram it was 3am but since I was a child I remember her saying “you call me honey anytime day or night about anything.” and  I always knew she meant every word…so this time I was pulling the anytime anything card! Now premonitions was something she never really talked about unless there was NO ONE else around and NO WAY anyone could just happen into the conversation same with seeing things/people that other people don’t see. That night/am I think she heard in my voice I was still upset so she talked with me about it and told me that she was fine and that each person’s way of having them differs. She assured me she was fine and would be mindful of herself in the coming days as most premonitions are just that a forewarning and can be changed. Turned out that it was not my Gram but my husband’s Grandmother Billie that the premonition was about. She had been in & out of the hospital for years so much so that the family was not concerned and would go visit her off & on until she came back home. It happened to be that I was staying with my in-laws for a bit while my husband was getting our home ready in the duty station we were at, that is how most of our moves went while he was active duty in the US Navy. While staying with the in-laws I have to admit the first few visits to the hospital I was concerned because I have #1 never had a family member in & out of a hospital like that #2 I just assumed that if they are in the hospital you stay with them until they are ready to go home or like in the movies or TV shows a nurse or doctor convinces you that you need rest & you should go home and come back tomorrow. So it took a few visits for me to get as comfortable as the rest of the family with her hospital stay. Then one night {weeks after my premonition dream, and after talking with my Gram it was out of my thoughts was NOT on my brain AT ALL} after dinner the in-laws and I were sitting around watching TV we had been to see Billie that afternoon and told her we would be back tomorrow so there was no visit planned. All the sudden my husband’s mother Shirley says we should go see Billie, her husband reminder her that we had been just a few hours ago and we would be going in the next day and that her mother needed some rest however if she wanted to go he was fine with it but would not be going. She tried to sit with it for a bit longer but then decided she wanted to just pop in for a quick bit then would be back home a ½ hour at the most. I wasn't gonna go either but just felt I should….lingering feelings of my previous feelings about a person in a hospital or something more? To this day I am not sure. When we got there Billie was sleeping it had been a busy day when we were there earlier that day so we assumed she would be tired. She kept waking up to visit with us and watch Wheel of Fortune {it was their thing I've never been a fan} so I sat at the foot of the bed and admired the Mother Daughter combo that was in front of me. We would have small meaningless easy to drop conversations then she would fall asleep, then Shirley and I would discuss silly things like what should be for lunch tomorrow what was on the agenda trivial things really. Then Shirley decided we should go so Billie could get some better sleep …. well as good as you can in a hospital. So she said her good bye for the night to her mom and moved so I could also wish her a good rest and that we would be by tomorrow. When I said ‘ok Billie you have a good night sleep and we will be back tomorrow’ and leaned to kiss her forehead she grabbed my arm and said ‘I wish you wouldn't go’ I took her hand and put it in mine and told her she needed to get her rest so we could take her home but again said we would be back tomorrow. She looked from me to Shirley and back and said ‘no please you stay while I sleep just for a bit longer’ so there we sat Shirley on one side of her bed & me on the other side Billie was still holding my hand. I thought she would let it go but every time I felt her ease up her grip I would try to slide my hand away so that when we left it wouldn't wake her but just as her grip eased and the minimum I would try to move my hand she would grip me harder & wake up a bit so I stopped trying to move. After a few minutes Shirley wanted to go get some water for us to drink. When she left Billie woke a little and looked around the way I was sitting she was more at my side than face to face so I turned to her smiled as if to say see still here…though her grip on my hand would be enough to tell a person that. She looked at me smiled a smile I had not seen in her face & eyes in years it was a smile she had when she was having a good health day & was happy…the kind of smile that people talk about a twinkle in your eye kinda smile. Then she looked like she was looking just behind me; I knew there was a window but the curtains were drawn and it was night so I knew there was “nothing” behind me. I lightly patted her hand and rubbed her arm like I had done before then she looked back at me and it was like she was happy & relieved all at the same time then she closed her eyes and I thought ok she’s back to sleep-ish. I noticed that her hand was getting cold and frankly so was mine partly from the vise grip she had on my hand and partly because well it is a hospital and they are not warm! I thought to myself ‘this woman is not some frail thing she is going nowhere with the strength of her grip she’ll probably be ready to go home tomorrow or at least in a few days.’ Then I started to find a part of the blanket I could wrap our hands in because if I was getting cold & shivering by our hand holding she must be also. I had just got some of the blanket up and was wrapping our hands as careful as I could so she didn't wake up when Shirley came back in. She saw that Billie looked “not right” so she said she was gonna go get a nurse or the doctor as no one had been in to check on her in a while. The nurse and Shirley came back & decided that Billie should go for an oxygen treatment but that was down the hall. The nurse disconnected her from all the monitoring stuff that she was connected to I tried to move but the nurse noticed that Billy was holding my hand so she said that until it was time to move her from the room I could just stay there and she would work around me. As I was standing there I happened to look down at Billie and now that the lights where different I could see what Shirley was talking about Billie was always pale looking but she was more ashen grey looking and her normally pink/red small lips where a dark not normal looking purple color and I noticed what no one else noticed that her hand felt more cold as time went on. Then they were ready to move her I tried to move my hand but I could not and Billie was not waking up so one of the nurses and I pried my hand out of Billie’s hand I looked to see if she woke up but she didn't…all the busyness of being disconnected from the monitor stuff and the bed moving around & now being pried apart none of that woke her. It was then that they got to the hall when the Dr saw Billie they rushed her down to the ER and I stayed with Shirley in the waiting room until family arrived but then I went outside I had to get away part of me felt like it was a close family thing and I was just a girl who married in {though anyone in that family would tell me I am a fool to ever think that} and part of me had to get away from people because it was all just too much! So I went outside and stood. I was away s away from the entrance and could see the whole building the way it was situated and because it was night I could see everyone in the waiting room our family as well as others. I was out there alone talking to what I believe in. I remember bits & pieces from there out because it was a lot of hollering and tears and frustration. I remember watching them in the waiting room wishing and saying that it wasn't right that my husband was so far away from his family that for him I wanted him here so he could be in there with them. I remember for a few seconds a calm came over me and I hushed about him not being there and my attention was drawn to the ER door windows … almost like my head was pointed to that direction & told to look. You could tell that there were ‘sections’ in there separated by curtains, I saw the curtains around this one bed/section just bellowing with movement from inside it and I thought ‘Oh my!’ and instantly said a prayer that whomever was being worked on I prayed that they would be ok and that the dr’s & nurses would be able to help the person be ok. I couldn't take my eyes off those windows then suddenly like a blink of an eye the curtain opened and I saw Billie for a split second then the Dr jumped up on the bed and was doing CPR then a nurse who opened the curtain came running back to the Dr & closed the curtain again. I was so scared, hurt & angry. All at once that premonition came back in my mind….the grey, the loosing grip and GRAM….then it hit me Gram=Billie, Loosing Grip=Vise grip of her hand on me & Grey=Billie was very grey I've never seen that color on a person. I feel into the lamp post I had been standing behind and I started balling and screaming & cursing having a “gift” that is so confusing that I can’t use it to HELP anyone. I said a lot of things out there alone that night to what I believe in and made a request that to this day I regret and if I had the ability to I would go back and take it back. I have since tried to make my peace with both what happened and what I said and requested. It’s a work in progress.

I have had other premonitions too but the ones that are as hard hitting as that one are the ones that seem to stick with me until either I get them figured out or the event comes to pass. The premonitions are not often but the other night I had one like one above in that I woke up crying well actually I woke up my husband because I was screaming & crying. When he woke me it took me hours to settle down and even then I didn't really settle but as our lives do our day trudged on…his alarm went off and he had to get up to get ready for work…and THAT is the one that started this whole post. It has been on my mind since & it has been a few weeks now. Sadly my subconscious is still trying to work it out because parts have become a theme in my dreams making me lose sleep or have fitful nights of rest. My active mind/me I have thought on it a bit here & there and have decided parts of it are figured out and parts of it I have no clue…like HOW could my Mom who IS living and my Gram who is NOT living both be alive and in the kitchen discussing what to do for me while I am on my hands & knees inconsolably balling in the garage about how I am going to go on living without my soul mate my husband…and HOW is it that he would be working in an orchard when **I will not speak of it** happens when we do not live near, we know no one with, nor does he now work in an orchard. In the past I have had only 2 other premonitions where he **I will not speak of it** in them but those have always come to be that we have a fight, and when that happens it feels like a piece of me dies because I feel our connection become disconnected and I HATE that feeling. So I have decided that it must be that, if we continue on our path there will be a fight at some point tho I can’t fit in the Mom & Gram part together and I think that is the part my brain is still working on since I have “explained” the other part to myself. I do however wish my brain would give it a rest tho because I am tired of the theme in my “normal” dreams and also tired of the non-restful sleep I've been getting. So I am hoping that by getting this down/out my brain & myself will let it go too!

Hoping to win a book

http://is.gd/tC7qTs
So found out thru the Faction Quiz I might be Divergent 0.O now what???
         Do I choose Amity, Candor or Dauntless ??
Well while reading the first book I LOVED the feeling I got reading about Tris's Dauntless ways I am not sure I could live that way ..... so I choose  ......
I choose.....
          I   
                      choose






AMITY   Yup out with nature easy going but not a rug to be walked on Amity :)

Twinzes ;)

            Some odd things go thru ones head when you're taking a long super warm/hot shower to try to warm up because you are cold, so very cold cold to the marrow in your bones COLD!

            I was thinking back on today with great thanks that Scotty & I got to spend the day together doing a hole lotta nothing J  ... and I was remembering our brunch at Olive Garden. I'm not sure when it happened but the 'OG Twins' as I called them have graduated from hostess to servers and I NOW know their names NOT that it would help me much if they took off their name tags & said 'ok who am I?' any how the point to this is it got me to thinking and I mentioned to Scotty "I wonder why parents of twins do that, name their children the same first letter name." I kinda laughed to myself that we both had the same name in our head when I posed the question 'what if my mom had twins what would my twin be named if I am NaPua my twin would be … '

            My thoughts are if they are identical twins or not there should be a rule they can not have the same first letter name! I know 4 sets of twins and 3 of the sets share a first letter name thing like the 'OG Twins' they are Veronica & Vanessa  btw … but since I don't have kids let alone twins I guess I really have no right in saying anything J and who knows maybe it is an unspoken rule that you only know about if you are lucky enough to have twins that yes actually they MUST have a same first letter name if they are identical or not. Unless you are a rule breaker like my friend who is a twin & they have different first letter names ;) way to go mama you rebel <3.

 

To anyone reading this that has twins that have the same first letter name…. PLEASE UNDERSTAND I MEAN NO DISRESPECT AT ALL…just an outsider looking in & confusingly observing J

p.s. this pic is of one of my FAV Friend Sets they humored me for a friends event in Port Gamble WA last year.

Gone Girl book read for book club

53% in to the book NOW I get what you all were saying YUP NOW I can't put it down! WOW DID SO NOT SEE THAT COMMING!!! Frick am I glad I didn't just stop reading it like wanted to so many times!!!

It's funny people I talk to say if you don't like it or if its not your style why are you still reading it? Then some get a giggle at my answer others look like a deer caught in head lights.  My answer ... I feel I owe it to the author who's work I'm reading all their hard long hours of writing, I owe it to the proof readers, the editors, the printers, the promoters of the author/book, they all in their way made it so I could be reading this book I owe it to all their hard work to finish the book like it or not. Plus there is only 1 book in my life I did not finish because I couldn't take reading one more page...and I don't want to add to that list!

Enie mene mineie mo catch a tiger by the toe...

A thought crossed my mind this am had me pondering for a while so I'll share.... K so for those who don't know-know me I'm not a girly girl I don't wear makeup I HATE shopping of any kind unless it's for friends I used to wear perfumed lotions but then I cut myself off & allowed myself 2 bottles of perfume a season so 1 or 2 scents for Spring & Summer. Then a different 2 for Fall & Winter. This morning what prompted this post is I was at a loss what scent to use this am & realized I have 6 0.0 yes 6 bottles to choose from! How did that happen???
Ok there's you glimpse into my mind for the day....now go out & have a blessed day <3 namaste <3

Here's a tip.....

As I'm sitting here waiting to pick up dinner it got me thinking ...... Do you tip when you call in for take out?